If you are a reader of the fabulous blog Boing Boing, you know that every now and then things get so gross that they have to run a unicorn chaser, which means they run pictures of happy unicorns, hearts and flowers just to clear everybody’s mind of the horrifying images they’ve put there.

My friend Nancy says I’ve reached that point. Since I wrote about my colonoscopy, she says I absolutely must not tell any more gross stories without offering a unicorn chaser of my own. 

Okay, here you go–beautiful purple water lilies. Feel better?

No? Okay, then. How about a dramatic sunset?

Okay, and here’s a sweet baby to look at–little Miles, six months old.

Tra la la.

And now–unicorn chaser over!–I have a gross story to tell you.

Last Friday I hung out for most of the day with little Miles, who, as you can see by the picture, is running for president in 2052. He’s quite serious about his campaign, too, intent on smiling and cooing and kissing everyone he sees, just to ensure that he has their vote.

At one point, we were in a restaurant together, he and I and his mother Allie, and he worked the room like any good politician would, making faces and grinning at everyone–at one point even banging his cup HARD on the table when some people at another table seemed interested in going back to their own conversations rather than continuing to admire him.

Don’t worry: a little table-banging brought them right back to attention. I tell you, we were all riveted by his platform.

And, as a way of thanking me for my support and my promise to vote for him, he grabbed onto my face at one point and sucked on my nose as hard as he possibly could. I was sure I was going to pull back to find my own face unrecognizable, possibly minus its nose altogether.

But, hey, who needs a nose when you have the love of a baby? I was so flattered–and yes, laughing so hysterically–at the intensity of his attention that I was willing to ignore the fact that Miles had had quite a runny nose himself–and now, of course, I am struck down with all manner of upper respiratory symptoms.

I am sad to report that I have a cough, a sore throat, chills, a killer sinus headache, laryngitis, and a runny nose, all at once.

Go back and look at the water lilies and the sunset again if you need to, Nancy. I’m going to take some more Sudafed and drink more Earl Grey tea. It’s freezing in here.