I had a fight with a health insurance company before it was even 8:30 this morning–and that is NOT a good way to start a day, let me tell you. If you’re thinking of taking that up for yourself–say to get your adrenaline pumping early in the day–I don’t advise it.

The thing is, you can’t win in a fight with an insurance company. They have all the cards.

It started with a prescription for birth control pills. I wanted three months’ worth and paid for that; they sent one month and claimed that the doctor had written the prescription to be refilled monthly instead of four times a year.

“Okay,” I said reasonably, “but I paid you $60, which is what I’ve always paid for three months. So…the next two months should be free.”

FREE is not a word that insurance companies can hear without laughing.

“No, no, no,” said the Customer Service representative who was no doubt taping this call, as threatened, so she and the other representatives could laugh about it on their lunch hour. “You have a flat rate of $60 for any prescription, whether it’s one month or three months.”

WHAT?!

So if my doctor writes a prescription for, say, some drug that actually costs about $10 and I send it away to the mail order prescription place, it’s gonna cost me SIXTY DOLLARS?

“Yes, ma’am, that is correct.”

I then went through all their appeal channels–which is lots of fun–and even though it was still way before breakfast and even before tea, I managed to get nicer and nicer with each subsequent level of employee. I figured they weren’t going to respond to me at all if I became the raving lunatic I could feel myself edging toward.

In the end, though, they got me. At one point, I blurted out, “But this is just ridiculous! This is a scam, charging the same price for one month as three months!”

“Ma’am, I don’t have to tolerate that kind of language,” the woman said. “That is just not helpful to the situation.”

So I am now writing a letter, the last refuge of people who are disgruntled. The thing with fighting with these companies is that you don’t have one single thing you can punish them with. You can’t even frighten them.

I’m going to cancel my policy with you?

I’m going to tell everyone I know that you are wicked and bad?

I’m going to never let you furnish drugs for us again?

I know! You can’t come to my birthday party!