Wed 11 Jul 2007
The dream that follows dying
Posted by sandi under Uncategorized
My mother has been dead for over three weeks now, and I am getting used to the idea that I can’t just go to the phone and call her up whenever I want to tell her something.
But early this morning I had the strangest dream about her.
She just showed up at my house, smiling, looking her best. And she was just so amazed about this dying thing that had happened to her!
“I can’t quite believe it really happened,” she said. “It’s not bad, actually. I’m fine and all that. But there were some things I wanted to tell you before I went that I didn’t get to say.”
And then we just discussed the whole experience. I wanted to know if, during those last few days when she couldn’t talk, if she could still hear us talking–and she said, oh yes, she’d heard everything. “I squeezed your hand,” she said. “That meant I could hear you. I thought you’d get that.”
Oh, right. I thought so.
Then I told her I had blogged about her death, and she said she wanted to see what I’d written.
Well, that felt weird, I don’t mind telling you. I stalled a little bit, but she said she absolutely insisted on reading what I wrote about her, so I finally went and got the laptop and showed her the website.
In real life, she didn’t know a thing about computers and was only dimly aware that I had a blog or a website, so in the dream, of course, I had to explain everything to her. She sat there and read everything I’d written, and then she shivered.
“This is kind of strange, to read about my own death,” she said, but she was smiling. “Especially when here I am, back in the world just temporarily.”
“How long do you have?” I asked.
She said she wasn’t really sure. I told her her ashes had arrived in the mail and that I’d put them in a safe place until I could sprinkle them, and she said, “You know, I don’t really want to talk about the ashes part of things,” and I felt like maybe I’d been rude to bring it up. Of course! Who would want to be reminded that they’d been cremated?
But she didn’t dwell on that problem. Mostly she just wanted to sit there, smiling. She looked out the window and said things looked so beautiful, much more beautiful than she remembered. “Everything is so different,” she told me.
I told her I missed her a lot, and that it was hard knowing she wasn’t always there, and she nodded.
Before I woke up, she leaned over and said, “Don’t worry about me, or feel bad. Everything happened just the way it was supposed to.”
And then I woke up. It was so strange how it felt the same as when I had just finished a conversation with her. I closed my eyes again, trying to fall back to sleep, but she didn’t come back. The dog, though, came over to the side of my bed and licked my hand.





July 14th, 2007 at 8:15 am
Sandi,
I also had a dream after my mother died. It started off being your typical bizarre dream: I needed shoes and didn’t have them and everyone in the dream was looking for them. Suddenly I was in my aunt’s living room (my mother’s sister) and we were all talking about where the shoes were and my mother was sitting in the corner. I kept looking over at her and wondering what she was doing, but I was also trying to find those darned shoes. Finally, I walked over to her and said “What are you doing here? You’re dead.” And she looked at me and said, “I’m only dead if you think I’m dead. If you think I’m with you, I’ll always be there.” I have taken tremendous comfort over the past 21 years, knowing that she will always be with me.
Love,
Karen
July 14th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Wow, Karen. That is a really powerful dream. It seems that so many people have these kinds of dreams after a loved one has died; a friend of mine says it means you’ve reached a turning point in your grieving when you actually see the person again and can have a “conversation” with them. But I like to think they’ve come to check on us one last time–and to give us these little messages. It does bring some comfort, doesn’t it?
July 17th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Hi Sandi, just checking on you. Still have you in google alerts and you came up and I wanted to see how you were doing. Wow. What. A. Dream. I did have one dream about Mother where she was in a long flowing white sort of gown thing. She wasn’t buried in that so I thought that was kind of strange. But we didn’t talk, darnit. I remember after she died, I felt my hair go behind my ear. She always did that to me as a kid and it drove me nuts, lol. I guess when you have long hair as a kid, it’s always going in your face and she was always putting it behind my dang ears. Funny what you remember. HOpe you’re doing okay and remember I love ya, kiddo.