Comments on: Remembering to breathe http://www.sandishelton.com/blog/2007/07/01/remembering-to-breathe/ Thoughts about writing and life Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:05:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 By: Kathy Holmes http://www.sandishelton.com/blog/2007/07/01/remembering-to-breathe/comment-page-1/#comment-6282 Kathy Holmes Fri, 06 Jul 2007 15:46:39 +0000 http://www.sandishelton.com/blog/2007/07/01/remembering-to-breathe/#comment-6282 I'm thinking about you Sandi and you were absolutely right on with the apartment lady - good for you! Sometimes tough times tell us how we need to take care of ourselves and stand up to people. I see some similarities between your experience with your mother's death and my grandmother's last summer. I had submitted her name to a prayer group to pray for those who have gone before us and I felt her presence afterwards as if she were thanking me. I'll keep checking back to see how you're doing and will keep you in my prayers, too. I’m thinking about you Sandi and you were absolutely right on with the apartment lady – good for you! Sometimes tough times tell us how we need to take care of ourselves and stand up to people.

I see some similarities between your experience with your mother’s death and my grandmother’s last summer. I had submitted her name to a prayer group to pray for those who have gone before us and I felt her presence afterwards as if she were thanking me.

I’ll keep checking back to see how you’re doing and will keep you in my prayers, too.

]]> By: Dorothy http://www.sandishelton.com/blog/2007/07/01/remembering-to-breathe/comment-page-1/#comment-6126 Dorothy Tue, 03 Jul 2007 18:49:31 +0000 http://www.sandishelton.com/blog/2007/07/01/remembering-to-breathe/#comment-6126 I think it's a closure thing you need, Sandi. You would think that after 34 years, I would have found closure with my own mom dying, but it hasn't happened. That bond...that incredible bond...is still there and it's really really hard to comprehend why you can't just call her up and ask her these things. It's freaking hard. That's why I've been concerned about you. It's not really until the aftermath when all this stuff sinks in. And it's the aftermath that seems to go on like forever. I like to think my mother is still with me, but it's not the same, you know? It's not the physical same. And it's the physical same, or lack thereof, that kills you. I think it's too early for you to find closure just yet. You're still in mourning. After a few months, years, go by, go back to the places where you and she did go and that's where you're going to find closure. At least, that's what I think. I'll let you know if I find that closure myself after I get back from California in September. You know, it's really weird. It's like not only am I going back to my childhood, I'm going back to the place where my mother was happiest and the place where I feel my mother's spirit lingers and that's the reason why I really need to go. So, my friend, you're not alone and I can bet you that there are hundreds and thousands women out there just like you and just like me who feel they need some type of closure after someone so close to you dies. No, it doesn't overwhelm you to the point where you can't even function, but it's those little things like you describe above that brings everything to a head. But, maybe that's a part of life we don't understand and we want to understand it, but we don't know how. We feel that once we find closure, that's when we accept that our mother has really really passed away and isn't coming back and I think that's what keeps a lot of people from finding that closure. Maybe they don't want to find it because they are not through exploring the different questions that come up like how to make banana pudding or who was Aunt Piney. It's hard, hon, believe me, I know. I went to make spaghetti a year or so after she died, HER spaghetti, and I had no idea what she did but mine never tasted the same. I found later a piece of paper with her spaghetti recipe. By then I was over the initial pain and at that point, I could smile because that's when I knew she was still here guiding me, teaching me and just being here with me. That's what is going to get you through this grieving process. But, later, go to where she used to go and see if you can pick up on feelings, senses and just go to think if nothing else. Love ya, hon, and you know I'm here for you. I think it’s a closure thing you need, Sandi. You would think that after 34 years, I would have found closure with my own mom dying, but it hasn’t happened. That bond…that incredible bond…is still there and it’s really really hard to comprehend why you can’t just call her up and ask her these things. It’s freaking hard. That’s why I’ve been concerned about you. It’s not really until the aftermath when all this stuff sinks in. And it’s the aftermath that seems to go on like forever. I like to think my mother is still with me, but it’s not the same, you know? It’s not the physical same. And it’s the physical same, or lack thereof, that kills you. I think it’s too early for you to find closure just yet. You’re still in mourning. After a few months, years, go by, go back to the places where you and she did go and that’s where you’re going to find closure. At least, that’s what I think. I’ll let you know if I find that closure myself after I get back from California in September. You know, it’s really weird. It’s like not only am I going back to my childhood, I’m going back to the place where my mother was happiest and the place where I feel my mother’s spirit lingers and that’s the reason why I really need to go. So, my friend, you’re not alone and I can bet you that there are hundreds and thousands women out there just like you and just like me who feel they need some type of closure after someone so close to you dies. No, it doesn’t overwhelm you to the point where you can’t even function, but it’s those little things like you describe above that brings everything to a head. But, maybe that’s a part of life we don’t understand and we want to understand it, but we don’t know how. We feel that once we find closure, that’s when we accept that our mother has really really passed away and isn’t coming back and I think that’s what keeps a lot of people from finding that closure. Maybe they don’t want to find it because they are not through exploring the different questions that come up like how to make banana pudding or who was Aunt Piney. It’s hard, hon, believe me, I know. I went to make spaghetti a year or so after she died, HER spaghetti, and I had no idea what she did but mine never tasted the same. I found later a piece of paper with her spaghetti recipe. By then I was over the initial pain and at that point, I could smile because that’s when I knew she was still here guiding me, teaching me and just being here with me. That’s what is going to get you through this grieving process. But, later, go to where she used to go and see if you can pick up on feelings, senses and just go to think if nothing else. Love ya, hon, and you know I’m here for you.

]]>