Mon 18 Jun 2007
I’m leaving tomorrow morning to go and see my mother, and it’s beginning to feel as though this will be the last time.
She’s much weaker now. She’s had a few falls, and she is refusing to eat, the nurses tell me–and even though they bring her to the telephone when I call, I almost feel that I shouldn’t be taxing her strength by wanting to make her talk.
She’s that weak now.
But she does know that I’m coming. I had hoped when I booked this trip that we could take a ride out and see the beach once again. She always loved the ocean. But now it doesn’t seem as though that will be possible.
Although, as the hospice social worker told me, you never know. Sometimes patients can rally–and perhaps that will happen in this case, too.
Mostly, though, I expect that I’ll just sit next to her bed while she sleeps…
It’s so hard to believe it was just a little over four weeks ago that she got the news that her colonoscopy showed some cancer.
But just to show me that life does go on–tonight I’m scheduled to do a reading for a book that I was a contributor to. “Blindsided by a Diaper,” published by Three Rivers Press and edited by Dana Hilmer, is released this week. It’s about the amazing thing that happens to your marriage once you have a baby. I’ve written an essay called “Dating the Hubs,” about the first time my husband and I tried to go on a date.
The reading is at 7 p.m. at Curtain Call in Stamford, if you’re anywhere near the place, and would like to come. Four authors are going to be reading: Beth Levine, Bill Squier, Pamela Kruger, and me. And best of all perhaps, the cast of “Baby” is going to sing songs from their show in between our readings.





June 18th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Wow–you were great at the reading, really terrific.
All packed? Safe journey to see your mom–just do what’s in front of you. Much love.
June 20th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Intense Times/Songs was the finest thing I’ve ever read on this subject.
Thinking of you, kid.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Sandi: I am so sorry for both you and your mother. My heart goes out to you. Losing a parent is hard enough without having to watch them suffer. If you are a believer, prayer will get you through this terrible time–believe me, I know for I’ve been there. May God bless you.
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:00 am
Sandi, I am so sorry. I have been where you are, just four short years ago, and for the same reason. Mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in November. By the end of December, it had progressed to her spine and by the time she left us, it had spread to her brain.
When I got to her bedside that cold January night, she was nearly comatose. She drifted in and out of consciousness and there was no recognition in her eyes for my siblings and I.
My mother was my rock, my toughest critic, my best friend. She was my sounding board and my history teacher. Everything about my family I learned from her. She was always there for me, and as much as it killed me to watch her slip farther and farther away from us, I had to stay by her side.
She was there when I took my first breath, and I had to be there when she took her last.
Just like when my daughter passed, I could feel Momma’s spirit brush past me when she took her last breath, and I saw all the pain and fear ease into a beautiful smile.
It is the second most painful loss of my life, but I am glad that I was there for her, that we all were. She knew she was loved and she knew we would all be fine. I think that knowledge is what allowed her to finally let go, and stop fighting.
As far as Hospice, they are a gift from the Gods. Their kindness and strength helped us to recognize and understand all the stages of death, and it was because of them that Momma was able to die peacefully in her own home, surrounded by her family, and not in the cold discomfort of a sterile hospital room.
Know that you have friends, Sandi, that offer you our love and support and if you need to talk, I am here, as are we all.