I am proud to say that we have one-thirty-secondths of an inch of snow in our driveway—finally! So it was not a total waste of time to put snow tires on our car this year.

It’s even a little bit cold outside. Not like winter cold, you understand. Not like our usual January bone-chilling cold that makes your eyes water and your nose fall off. It’s just…brisk.

But still, it’s something. Frankly, I am tired of apologizing for this lethargic winter to my friends who live in the West and the South, those who seem to feel that we’ve wimped out here and are now endangering the planet with our manifestation of global warming.

My friend Diane called me today from L.A. to congratulate me on our surrendering to winter and to ask for the actual total snowfall amount.

I had to tell her the truth. She’d only hear it on the Weather Channel.

“Not really very much,” I said.

“Is your driveway white?”

“Well. Yes. With some bare spots.”

She thought this over. I felt guilty, as though I hadn’t really tried harder for more snow. 

“It’s only January,” I said weakly. “We still have February to go. There could be blizzards still to come.”

“It’s been colder in L.A. this year than it’s been where you are!” she said.

“I am so, so sorry about that,” I told her. But actually when I hung up I realized that I’m not sorry at all. I think it’s time we spread out some of the cold weather around the country instead of concentrating it all right here in the Northeast. It’s only fair that they take their turn and not hassle the rest of us.

I refuse to take all this snow just so they can imagine that the world is running properly. Let them shovel the driveways for a season.

I’ll even send my snow tires.