Wed 27 Dec 2006
End of the year breakdown
Posted by sandi under inanimate objects, real life
[3] Comments
I am sensing that my possessions are fomenting a revolt.
My laptop has suddenly gotten so sloooooow that you can practically hear the pixels lining themselves up and arguing about who has to appear on the screen first. Now when you click on a file you’d like to read, you have time to go take a bath, make a cup of tea, and call a friend before it actually displays anything.
The coffee maker, always a worry-free device, yesterday decided to spew coffee and hot water all over the counter instead of having it drip into the cup.
The stereo has decided that it will never again play ”Santa Baby” by Madonna. That’s it. It just shuts itself completely down whenever that song comes up in the rotation. This would not particularly bother me becuase within the next few days we will put the Christmas records away, and the bad attitude of “Santa Baby” won’t be troubling the stereo anymore. But I get the feeling that this kind of censorship is a slippery slope. What if it stops playing Eva Cassidy? And what if one day it won’t play the alto flutes I love to listen to when I’m writing?
And now the car, not to be outdone, is making a disturbing, rattly, vrooming noise when you press the gas pedal to anything over 55 mph–and let’s face it, 55 is not even a barely survivable speed on I-95. You have to go at least 70 just to keep the guy behind you from coming right up the rear bumper and into your back seat.
This reminds me of an old Lenny Bruce routine when he talked about his possessions getting so out of hand that he was forced to call them in for a meeting in the living room. I have always subscribed to the theory that possessions should be kept in ignorance of each other as much as possible. You don’t want them to get into a pissing match when it comes to breakdowns. I’ve always felt that if the car hears that the coffee maker is grabbing attention by throwing hot water all over the place, the car will gleefully release its radiator fluid the next time you’re resting at a red light.
So I am trying not to freak out about all these threatened breakdowns. Maybe give them all a little rest and some nice talk, praise them for their jobs well done over the past year–and hope for the best.
Here I go: What a great laptop computer you are! You have been so fast for the two years that I’ve known you, and I just know that you’re going to keep lasting forever and ev…
December 28th, 2006 at 5:43 am
Well done, as always!! Thanks for keeping up the blogs, cause I read them but never quite remember how to comment. Love ‘em all!!
December 28th, 2006 at 10:55 am
Oh, dear. In my experience, there are two rules about these breakdowns. One: they tend to cluster in groups of three (if your appliances/vehicles start talking to each other, they’re likely arranging themselves into groups of three and deciding which GROUP will be the first to expire). Second: if you’re a writer, and you have either just gotten or are waiting for a check in a specific amount from a publisher or editor,especially if it’s a check that you really need to cover Christmas bills, college tuitions, or orthodontia, the damage done by the appliance/vehicle expiration will cost precisely the same amount as the check, without a penny left over for normal life. Be careful.
December 28th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
Just found your blog via Blogher. Sometimes when a lot of mechanical/electrical things break down, it’s a sign of alien visitations. But then again, maybe it’s nothing.